Thursday, December 30, 2010

Can I Have a Do Over?

This is the time of year when we all get to ask for a do over.  If we are blessed enough to make it to the next year, then we know that the answer is yes.  So if given the opportunity, what are you going to do with your do over? Are you going to take a look at your spending habits? Are you going to look at your inner circle and determine who needs to stay and who needs to go? Are you going to finally take those college courses and finish your degree?  Are you going to participate in your process or watch as it passes you by? Are you really going to join that exercise class, not just to lose weight but to do something just for you? Are you going to be a better partner or will the next year be like the last: all about you? Are you going to give your children more stuff or more beliefs, values and morals?

If I am blessed to get a do over, I plan to be an even better wife and mother. I plan to reach out a little more to people even though I know they could reach out to me as well. I plan to create more time for me and not feel guilty about it. I plan to make sure that Tailor Made Training & Consulting, LLC presents at least 10 training sessions this year.  I plan to make sure that I pay extra attention to my parents and to my husband's parents.  I plan to listen more to the still voice of the Holy Spirit and truly allow it to order my steps, to show me how to talk and to show me how to praise.  I plan to read more. I plan to start my book. I have three in me, so I should be able to get one out of me during my do over.  I plan to look at the suffering in Haiti of the women and children and see how I can help to make a difference. I plan to listen more and speak less, even if I know the answer.

As I have said before, I now realize that the better I am, the better those around me will be. So as you prepare for your do over, take the time to determine what is it all worth to you. If this is your last do over, what do you want people to say about you?

Let me know your thoughts... Keep the conversation going! Leave your comments by clicking on the "comments" link just below this post.  Don't forget to share this with your facebook friends and follow me on twitter  @askjema

Until next time
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

When Was the Last Time...

We are involved in a lot of relationships.  We have relationships with our spouses or significant others, children, family, jobs, church, the mailman, the cleaners, the butcher at the grocery store and so on. These are all entities that we spend time with, which is why we are in a relationship with them. 

But what about our relationship with our money? When was the last time you really thought about how you feel about money? When was the last time you took a serious look at what you are spending your money on? We hear that we are having to do more with less, but are we really doing less? Are we really thinking about tomorrow or have we decided that this is my time and I have to do me?

Money is not evil. It is sometimes our misuse of it or lack of understanding of it that causes us discomfort at times. I would like to encourage us as we go into another year to think about our relationship with money. I would like for us to spend some time thinking about what we are spending our money on, how we are spending our money, when we are spending our money and who we are with when we are spending our money. 

Take the time to get to know your money. Sit down and think about how you could change your spending habits, how you really could do more with less.  Think about what is a 'must have' purchase.  Start planning your menus for the week so when you go to the store, if it is not on the list, you should not buy it.  As adorable as the school pictures are, do you need the deluxe package or can you get copies made? We have to really do a better job of seperating between a want and a need.  Do you need a 'new' car or do you need 'another' car?  Do you need a new livingroom set or bedroom set, or could you get away with some new pillows and some new cushions?  When was the last time you flipped your mattress? Does it really have to be dry cleaned or can it be washed on the delicate cycle, hung up to dry and a little extra time spent using the iron?  Do you really have to go to every high school  and college homecoming/reunion?

We must begin to change our attitude about money.  We have to believe that just because we have it, does not mean that we have to spend it. These are simple ways in which we can all began to spend more time with our money which hopefully will leave us with more money.

Let me know your thoughts... Keep the conversation going! Leave your comments by clicking on the "comments" link just below this post.  Don't forget to share this with your facebook friends and follow me on twitter  @askjema
Until next time
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

Monday, November 22, 2010

I Want to Know What Love Is.......

There is a saying that says love is a many splendid thing. Have you ever wondered what makes it so splendid? Or what is that thing we call love? We are taught that love is not suppose to hurt. But who among us has not been hurt by that thing called love? Who among us has vowed never to feel that way again about any one; only to find ourselves right back there again?
In the movie For Colored Girls, Kimberly Elise spoke of her character as having an obligation to love her man back to the man he was before he left going to war. How many of us have thought that if we just loved him/her more then...???

Love is beautiful when it is used right. A mother's love to her unborn child. A siblings sacrifice of an organ. A wife's unyielding support to her husband's dreams. A husband's patience with his wife's changing career plans.

Some of us, when we love, we love hard. As R. Kelly says in his new song, when a woman loves, she loves for real.

Some of us think love is attached to another thought or feeling. In this way love is conditional, based on what I need, how I feel or what the other person has done. In my opinion, this type of love is dangerous because it changes frequently based on circumstances and it is confusing to the receiver who may not know how to respond.

Hezekiah Walker says in his song God Favors Me love is patient, love is kind, love is felt best when it is genuine. This is the type of love that I think we all long for. This type of love that is unconditional, it is not attached to anything else. We love inspite of the other person.

The issue is to not allow the love we have for someone to blind us when that love doesn't just hurt, but is abusive. Love can be wonderful and sometimes it does hurt. But in the words of a famous poet I would rather have had love and lost it than not have loved at all.

Let me know your thoughts... Keep the conversation going! Leave your comments by clicking on the "comments" link just below this post. Don't forget to share this with your facebook friends and follow me on twitter @askjema

Until next time
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

Monday, November 15, 2010

Where we Stand

I loved who I was. I love who I am. I will love who I become.

There are so many things to be grateful and thankful for these days. It would be easy to focus on the negative or what I didn't have, but what's the fun in that.

There are people who would love to be where you are. They would love to come home from work to a warm meal waiting for them. They would love to have a home to come home to. They would love to have a job to come home from. They would love to be able to go to the store and buy not only what they need but items on their want list as well.

Some of us are blessed beyond measure. Some of us have more than we could ever use and yet for some of us it is not enough. Some of us could feed a family of four with some of the food that we throw away on a weekly basis.

We must become better stewards over our blessings. Our blessings are not just things, but the people in our lives as well. We have to treat each other better. We have to respect each other's feelings. We have to listen more and talk less. We have to stop thinking that people should just get over it. Because some of those 'its' come from some pretty dark places.

We have to know that together we are stronger and that we are only as strong as the weakest link. This I truly believe.

Until next time,
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Did you hear that?

Life is full of blessings and tragedies and we are responsible for how we respond in both cases.  We have to do a better job of accepting our part when we participate in madness and dysfunction.  We have to remember that when 'we know better, we do and are better'.  I cannot blame the other person in the relationship for hurting my feelings, when I know that is exactly what the other person is going to do.  We have to do a better job of getting and staying in touch with that 'thing' that tells us something is not right.  Trust me I know there are some people who make it their mission to make someone else's life miserable or to bring them hurt, harm and danger.  I know that at the end of the day, 'we all want to be loved'.  And sometimes that need to be loved causes us to do some things, accept some behaviors and ignore some signs that over time could be detrimental to our very existence.  We may not die in the flesh, but our spirit and souls leaves us wondering why.

Accepting the fact that we are responsible for teaching people how to treat us, we must take the time to teach ourselves how we want to be treated.  It is never too late to break generational curses and to start living your own history.  All things happen for reason; God does not make mistakes.

If you find yourself in a situation that is not allowing you to not only live your best life but to find or define your best life, then it is time to make some decisions.  You may find yourself feeling alone or isolated. You may find that you don"t have the strength to go it alone.  You may find that someone just came from where you are.  Whatever you find, remember the decision is yours to make.  Which also means the responsibility is yours to take and the consequences are yours to accept.

Until next time,
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Seasons and Friends

How do you know when it is time to move on from a relationship?  Is it when the calls become more infrequent? Or is it when you do reach out to connect and it just doesn't feel right?  I know we all grow up and life takes us down different paths, but I thought friends were suppose to be there for each other.  It makes me wonder if we were ever really friends at all. 

I know that life is funny and that people like what they like and do what they do, but if you have neglected a friendship and that person doesn't know why, is it too much to reach out to that person.  My concern is that something will happen and time will be wasted on feeling guilty because the two never communicated.

There are people in my life that I may not talk to every day or every week, or even every month, but at some point a connection is made and it feels like it was just yesterday that we talked.  I want that feeling with all of my friends.  If I am not getting it, is it time to realize that this is not the same type of friendship it was 20 years ago?  Is it time to lower my expectations so I can minimize my pain and discomfort?

I know scripture says to every thing there is a season and a time for every purpose. I guess I never realized that the season is not attached to an issue or a situation or a problem.  It is just a season.

Until next time
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

Monday, November 1, 2010

Being Ok

A lot has happened since our last chat.  I decided that I was in shifting gear.  I had to figure out if I was going forward or backward, but I had to make a decision.  Life is like that, especially for women.  We have to make decisions not just for ourselves, but for our husbands, children, siblings and the like.  Often times, we find ourselves not wanting to offend either one, so we find ourselves in neutral.  However, I have come to realize that if you take the time to think about what is in the best interest for yourself, it will probably be in the best interest for your family. 

Scripture tells us to lean not to our own understanding, but to seek wise counsel.  For me sometimes, I think my own counsel is wiser than some one else.  So for us everyday, we find ourselves in decision mode. To do, or not to do; to be or not to be; to give or not to give....

I am growing into being ok with the space I am in right now.  I believe that everything happens for a reason. I also believe that with every trial there is a lesson to be learned but most importantly, that lesson is to be shared.

So, we are 60 days away until the end of 2010, where did it all go? Are you on track, off track or on a different track?  Either way, embrace where you are and decide your next move.

Until next time,
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Are you Driving, Riding, or Watching?

As I ponder over the changes that have happened in my life over the last 90 days, I have to wonder if I am putting way too much pressure on myself.  I am generally a well balanced person.  However lately, I seem to be off of my game. I don't feel like I am giving a 100 percent.  I am getting things done, but some days it seems as if I am in a fog; just doing enough to get by.  Ever felt like that before?  I also know that what ever I am dealing with probably fails in comparison to someone else.  So, what is a girl to do?

I am entertaining going back to school for another degree.  I have had a longing for law school for as long as I can remember, but I keep talking myself out of going.  So I am trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. 

I am accepting the things that I cannot change about other people. I realize that I am in control of how I respond to how people treat me. I realize that I am responsible for teaching people how to treat me.  If I fail in that, then I have no one to blame but myself.  I know that my feelings are not right or wrong, because they are mine.

Has anyone else ever felt like your life was passing you by? If so, what did you do to get back on the ride? 

Keeping us empowered and uplifted,

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Where do you go from here?

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you just could not seem to tunnel through? Well this was it for me. I found myself trying to be more than I had the energy to be. Last week we talked about remembering who we are.  Well, I truly forgot who I was and whose I was somewhere around Thursday. I tried to figure out what happened, but even as I write this entry, I cannot put my hand on it. I do know that I have to do a  much better job of teaching people how to treat me. I was talking with another sisterfriend and I recalled the scene from "What's Love Got to Do With It?", when Tina walked into the hotel the night of the Grammys.(after the fight in the limo with Ike) I felt beaten, battered and broken. I did not have the energy to pray because I wasn't exactly sure what I was praying about.  Was it my husband? Was it my uncertainity because I have been out of work since June and I was beginning to feel the pressure? Was it my family, my friends?

Last night I cried until I fell asleep. I went to church hoping for some clarity to come. I found myself crying again. By the way, I am not the crying type.  So as I sit here tonight, I am still pondering what went wrong last week? How did I get a way from me?  Where did I go and where do I go from here?

So my question, when you found yourself to be out of sorts what did you do to get back to you?  If you have a favorite scripture that helped please share and explain how it helped you.  If a favorite book or favorite quote or meditation, explain how it helped you.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Remembering who you are

 Have you ever been involved in something or with someone and in the process forgot who you were? Forgot what you believed in? Forgot what some of your core beliefs were? Forgot some of your family values?  All in the name of love or the dollar bill. Sometimes as women, we tend to over compromise when it comes to relationships and our careers. In relationships, we don't want to appear to be 'too this or too that'. At work, we tend to and sometimes by necessity to 'dummy down' so as not to appear too aggressive or bossy.  We go along to get along because we don't want to be alone. But in our alone time, we began to question whether it is all worth it.

So, if you have been in this situation, how did you find you again? What did it take for you to realize that you were ok? Did you ever find yourself there again? If so, did it take as long for you to find you again?

Friday, September 3, 2010

What type are you?

So, by now you have heard about Ti and Tiny getting arrested for drug charges. Some say that Tiny should say every thing was hers so Ti could continue his career and stay out of jail. Some say that if she loves her man, she would not have allowed him to get in this situation. Some say a true 'ride or die' female, always falls on her sword for her man. Here is my take, Ti is a grown man and makes decisions for himself. Tiny is a grown woman and makes decisions for herself. Neither one of them had to be driving around with weed smoke in the car and other drugs on their person. In my opinion, a 'true ride or die' female, thinks things through. She weighs out her options and acts accordingly. When you are a mother with your children, the welfare of them should be your number one priority. So my question is, which type are you? Do you fall on your sword all the time or do you weigh your options because others are depending on you to protect them? In this case, who are protecting the children?

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Getting started

There comes a time in your life when you have to decide what it is that you want to do for you. Not what any body else wants you to do for you, but what you really want to do. This is not an easy task, but you at least have to start some where. We spend a lot of time on other people and not enough on ourselves. So give yourself permission to think about you.