Is that a light or a train?

As I drive around the neighborhood, I see that a lot of people have gotten into the holiday spirit early. As I looked back over the past year, I don't recall so many decorations up this early. I can only surmise that maybe one of two things has happened. One, people have admitted to themselves that it is all over and that they may as well have one last 'hoorah'. Or two, things are really turning around in the economy and people are feeling better about it.

The optimist in me wants to believe that the lights are not the headlights of a train. I believe in my heart of hearts that things are getting better. I believe that it is always darkest before the dawn.

We have seen some horrible things happen in the last couple of years. People are dying it feels like at an enormous rate. People are literally being seen/heard one day and are found dead the next. Our children are being bullied at school and feel like their only recourse is to end it all. We have lost jobs at rates that have been unprecedented. The prices of gas and food are the highest ever. People are making less and expected to do more.

But the drive around my neighborhood, gives me hope. I believe that dawn is on the horizon. I believe that the time that some of us has spent in the valley, has really strengthened us as individuals as well as a community.
I hope we will remember the lessons learned in the valley and share them with others.

This is my hope for the new year. That we will learn from the past so that we will make better decisions in the future. So is it a light or is it a train? I say light, a very bright light.

Let me know your thoughts... Keep the conversation going! Leave your comments by clicking on the "comments" link just below this post.  Don't forget to share this with your facebook friends and follow me on twitter  @askjema
Until next time
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

When Death Comes Calling

We often say that two things are constant: death and taxes. These days, doesn't seem like everyone is paying their fair share of taxes. However, when it comes to death, you can count on it for sure.

There are many ways to experience death. There is accidental, intentional and purposeful.

There is emotional death. The kind where a relationship comes to an end. This is the type of death where you know it is coming and you may even participate in ending it. Although you know it is ending, you may still have a hard time releasing yourself from the memories. Often times in an emotional passing, we keep reviving the relationship. We keep yelling: CLEAR!!! keeping it alive a little while longer when we know we should call it and write down the time.

Then there is physical death. This death could be accidental, intentional, or expected. Either way it hurts because we know it is final. There are times in a physical death we feel guilty, sad, mad, angry, relieved. Most of the times we feel these feelings all at the same time. We may feel guilty because we failed to do something with or for that person before they passed. We may feel sad and mad because we are going to miss them more than we ever thought. We may feel relieved because if they were sick and in pain for a long time, at least now they are pain free.

Over the last 5 years, I have experienced more deaths, emotional and physical, than I have in my entire lifetime. Some emotional deaths I tried to resuscitate. Some I put on life support. Some I was relieved to see them go. Some physical deaths were unexpected, so it shook me to my core. Some were kind of expected, but I held out, hoping they would get better.

What I have learned about death, is that every experience brought with it a new set of emotions in a different way. Sometimes it brought loneliness, other times it brought joy. Sometimes it brought sadness, other times it brought peace. Sometimes nothing came and that is when I hear the voice.

The voice reminded me that for everything there is a season. A time to be born and a time to die. It is in this time of nothingness that I am finally able to accept the passing and have the ceremonial burial in my spirit.


Let me know your thoughts... Keep the conversation going! Leave your comments by clicking on the "comments" link just below this post.  Don't forget to share this with your facebook friends and follow me on twitter  @askjema
Until next time
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

Everybody Won't Make It

There comes a time when you have to make some room in your life. God has a funny way of helping you to make room when you are moving too slow. Have you ever checked your luggage at the airport only to find out your bags were too heavy and you needed to get rid of some stuff? Isn’t that the most embarrassing feeling to have to go through your items in front of everyone and rearrange your luggage just to make a flight? You hear the whispers as you are trying to handle this situation. As you are going through this process, you realize that you were carrying some unnecessary ‘weight’.

What about people? Are there people in your life that you need to deal with? I know I have some. As I was thinking about this, one of my favorite Bible stories came to mind: Moses and the children of Israel.

I am reminded that although all of the children left Egypt, not all of them made it into the Promised Land. This concept spoke volumes to me for so many reasons. They all had every opportunity to make it, but because of the choices they made, they did not. Some of them even hindered others from making it in. Are there people in your life that are hindering you? That is influencing you to do things you know that are not right? Even after all of the miracles they had witnessed firsthand, they were still able to be misled. Do you remember what Moses saw when he came down from the mountain? There was total chaos, confusion and mayhem.

Are you having a total chaos moment in your life? Have you taken a look at your surroundings to see if something or someone is in your way?

If we are not careful, we will find ourselves like Moses and the children of Israel. When we are disobedient to the will of God, there are consequences. We will see the promise, but will not be able to receive it. So for those people that wants to walk out of life. Let them walk. For those people that are influencing you in a negative way get rid of them. For those people that don’t understand you, stop explaining yourself to them. They will never understand you. For those people that say they love you and care about you but their actions show you something different, believe what they show you. For those people that promised they would be there for you but when you needed them, you could not find them. Stop looking for them.

Move some things around in your life. Dump the unnecessary  weight. Stop so you can let some people off of the ride of your life. It is time to make room for the people you have yet to meet that want to improve your ride.

Remember, everybody won’t make it!!!!!

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Until next time
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

Embracing Your Strengths

My best friend since kindergarden often tells of a story where she claims I turned the entire second grade against her and another girl. Here is the story.

The other girl, I'll call her Felicia, had beat me in selling candy by one box and thus was the first place winner in the whole school. My best friend says that I convinced everyone that they should not play with Felicia.  She decided that I was not being fair and so she befriended Felicia. My best friend then says that I told the whole second grade not to talk to or play with either one of them. I do not recall this event, but if it did occur that way, I must be really good with the art of persuasion.

Do you have a talent or gift or just a certain skill set that is often misunderstood? When you exercise that talent or gift do people perceive you to be showing off? Do they perceive you as a know it all?

Sometimes my ability to get things done is misunderstood. Some say I am bossy. Others say that I am pushy. Some even say that I can be a tad bit demanding and a bully. Of course, I do not see myself in those terms.

I do know that I have a unique way of connecting with people. I know that I know a little bit about a lot of things. I know that in life we all want to be loved and needed and appreciated. So when I ask people to do things, I keep all of that in mind.

The challenge in having this ability is that some people will try to misuse it. Because they know I can get it done, they always ask me to either work with someone or to do it. They also know that I am not going to sit around and see something that needs to be done and wait on either the person in charge or someone else to do it. Something on the inside of me takes over and I jump into action.

So the next time that your talent, gift or unique skill set takes over, just sit back and enjoy the ride. They may talk about you in the beginning, but in the end they will be talking to you.

Let me know your thoughts... Keep the conversation going! Leave your comments by clicking on the "comments" link just below this post.  Don't forget to share this with your facebook friends and follow me on twitter  @askjema
Until next time
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

ENJOYING LIFE MY WAY

Lately, I seem to be enjoying life more. I am not sure when it started, but I am just having a great time. No, I have not won the lottery. But I think in this year of not working, I have found me again and have fallen back in love with me.

I know I mentioned this a couple of months ago, but it is worth talking about again. We hear enough sad stories of lonliness and unhappiness. I would like share some of my joy.

I am still trying to find out what else I want to do, but I am not sad about not having all of the answers. There was a time when not knowing would have completely stressed me out.   But for some reason now, I am ok with where I am.

I am thankful for this inner peace that God has given me. I feel some where in my spirit, that He is preparing me for something great.  I am sure that some will not understand this peace that I have, but I am grateful for it and I am enjoying it.

We put so much pressure on ourselves to be so much to others, that we fail some times to value ourselves. Some of those closet to us tend to not understand us and tend to disappoint us. But I have found out, that God never disappoints us and He always understands our needs.

I have determined that when I keep my thoughts on Him, He gives me exactly what I need. I know for sure that He never gives me more than I can handle, because even when I thought I could not go on, I am still here.

So even if you are not where you think you should be on your journey, if you are reading this, then you are right where God needs you to be.

Let me know your thoughts... Keep the conversation going! Leave your comments by clicking on the "comments" link just below this post. Don't forget to share this with your facebook friends and follow me on twitter @askjema

Until next time
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

Lemons, Grapes, Oranges, Apples

In life we are told, 'when life gives you lemons, make lemonade'. Why are we never told to make 'grape juice' out of grapes? Or 'orange juice' out of oranges? Or 'apple juice' out of apples?  Is it because grapes, oranges and apples are sweet tasting whether eaten alone or made into a juice?  Is it because lemons are considered to be a 'bitter tasting' fruit when eaten alone, but when squeezed to its core, it makes something tasty?

Is this the lesson, that when we are 'squeezed' to our core, we still turn out ok?  I believe this.  I know when I am pushed, my product is better at the end.  My husband has a unique way of getting to my core when we are working on something. I don't like the process, but I love the results.

So I guess that is why we make lemonade from the lemon.  I am sure the lemon doesn't like the pushing, and rubbing, and rolling, and cutting and finally the squeezing. But when it is all over, and you add a little sweetness to cut through the bitterness, you have a pretty good product.

This is life. Things don't always come in the package that we like, but when we work at it, we end up with something great.  Can you imagine the face of the person that created lemon juice and then eventually lemonade?  How labor intensive that process was? I doubt that the lemonade drink we enjoy today was accepted immediately.  But they kept squeezing and squeezing until they got it right.

That is how God works.  He sometimes has to take us to the very core of our existence to get out of us what He wants to use.  It doesn't feel good.  Sometimes I feel misused, misunderstoond, isolated, bruised (both physically and emotionally) and mistreated.  In my mind, I am wondering, 'does it take all of this', 'does it have to hurt so much'?

The short answer is yes. To get the best tasting lemonade, you have squeeze a lot of lemons to get the right mixture. It doesn't matter what you add to it, at the core, at the base of it all, it is the processing of the lemons that makes the lemonade. 

Let me know your thoughts... Keep the conversation going! Leave your comments by clicking on the "comments" link just below this post.  Don't forget to share this with your facebook friends and follow me on twitter  @askjema
Until next time
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

Do You Feel Worthy?

I love the fact that it is my faith in God that sustains me and not my faith in myself. I am not sure about any one else, but I sometimes let myself down. I sometimes don't always finish what I start. I sometimes get distracted and forget what I am suppose to be doing. I sometimes get bored with 'MY' plan, and create something else to do. I sometimes just stop caring and thus will stop doing. Does this happen to any one else?

I am glad that even when I stop being true and faithful to myself, God does not. He maintains His position. He stays in His lane. He is there from beginning to end. Even when I change lanes, fall behind, take the wrong turn, or just stop completely, He is there. For that I am forever grateful.

I am glad that everyday that He awakens me, gives me another day to finish what I have started and what He has started in me. There are some days that I get discouraged because it doesn't seem as if things are moving fast enough. There are some days I don't feel worthy to even have another chance. However, all days I am grateful and thankful that He loves me more than I love myself.

I continue to grow in accepting God's love for me. It is so awesome and so powerful, that I am thankful that He deems me special enough to receive it. So for that I say thank you.

Let me know your thoughts... Keep the conversation going! Leave your comments by clicking on the "comments" link just below this post. Don't forget to share this with your facebook friends and follow me on twitter @askjema

Until next time
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

F.L.O.W.E.R.S.

This is the time of year that I just love. Flowers are blossoming, trees are filling out and for the most part, the weather is pretty good. I get to shed the weight of the winter and look forward to making plans for the summer.   As I get older, I really do take time to enjoy nature.  I often find myself noticing the colors of flowers and the fullness of trees.

It is that time of year, where you are in between seasons. Some days feel like summer and other days feel like early fall. But, it is beautiful to see.

Some times as I go through life, I find myself in between seasons. This used to be a place that I dreaded because I felt like I was wasting time. It did not appear that I was going any where or getting anything done. As soon as I thought it was safe to move on, the weather changes. As soon as I think it is safe to pack up the winter gear, a severe cold front comes through and completely takes me off course. Some times I still get upset when in the morning it feels one way and by the afternoon it feels another. I am either under or over dressed for the change.   Ever felt like that before?

Sometimes I have to stop and remind myself that I am not responsible for the weather.   It would be foolish of me to go out ill prepared for the day.  If it changes while I am out, so be it. I can't stop the weather from being the weather. If I know that this time of year is unpredictable, then I should expect it and prepare for it.

So the next time you are out and the sun is shining bright, take some time to notice the pretty colors of the flowers and the fullness of the trees. If by chance while you are out and it starts to get cloudy, look up at the clouds and see what shapes you. If it starts to rain, look up to see if the sun is trying to peep through the clouds.  If it is, keep looking for a rainbow. Because, the rainbow tells us that the rain is coming to an end.

Let me know your thoughts... Keep the conversation going! Leave your comments by clicking on the "comments" link just below this post.  Don't forget to share this with your facebook friends and follow me on twitter  @askjema
Until next time
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

Managing your Skill Set

How many times have you sat in a meeting and felt like you were the only grown up in the room?  What do you do when you disagree with the person in charge? What do you do when you know that 'a' decision being made is not the 'best' decision? 

I have dealt with all of these situations. In each one, I had to remember what I was there to do. I had to remember who was depending on me to still be there when the meeting was over. I had to remember if I was on the other side of the table, what would help me to hear from others.

This may not be easy to do all of the time.  Especially when you know with every fiber of your being that the decisions being made are not the best decisions. But what can you do???

You do what you know is right to do.Sometimes, it doesn't feel right, but a good leader is also a good follower. You state your position, devoid of emotion. You respond in such a manner that your message will be heard. At the end of the day, you want to show that you are a team player, but that you are also an independent thinker.

There are some people in leadership positions that have no clue about leading, directing, motivating or developing people. Some are in their position not because of what they know, but because of who they know and how long they have been around.  Unfortunately, that has little to do with how you do your job.

So remember to be true to yourself and to be true to the mission of what you have been hired to do. Trust me, it works.

 Let me know your thoughts... Keep the conversation going! Leave your comments by clicking on the "comments" link just below this post.  Don't forget to share this with your facebook friends and follow me on twitter  @askjema
Until next time
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

Are you Focused or Distracted?

As I listen to all that is going on in the world today, it becomes clear to me that we are easily distracted.

I have a 4 year old, and one of the areas we are spending time with him on is staying focused. We know that as he is getting ready for the kindergarden, he needs to practice staying focused. There are times when he is at school working on his math and one of his friends/peers will start to talk to him. In that moment, he loses focus. He is no longer doing what he should be doing, but what someone is doing.

How many times do we find ourselves off focus? Where we are not doing what we should be doing, but what someone else is doing? Even when we know that we have something else to do, we get off focus or distracted.

Our world is off focus. We claim to be nation that has a strong spiritual base built on Christian values. If that is the case, then we should be more concerned about the 'least of these'.  We have gotten off focus of taking care of ourselves and of those that can't take care of themselves.

I believe that if I stay focus on me and lend a hand to those that need it, in the end we all are better.  My need to stay focus on me does not preclude me from seeing the need of others. One of my favorite movies has a famous line: 'Am I My Brother's Keeper?'. The response: 'Yes You Are!'. 

What does that statement mean to you? Do you believe that you are responsible for someone outside of yourself?

I do. Because I may be lending the hand today and needing the hand tomorrow.

Let me know your thoughts... Keep the conversation going! Leave your comments by clicking on the "comments" link just below this post.  Don't forget to share this with your facebook friends and follow me on twitter  @askjema
Until next time
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

Do You Love You?

I love me. I don't always like me, but I do love me.  Why do I love me? Because, in spite of my imperfections, I am what I am. 
I have taken the time to get to know me and figured out my likes and dislikes.  What about you? Do you really know you? Do you know what you like or dislike? Do you think it is important for you to inform others of your fondness of you?  I do.

I think it is of vital importance for you to tell others of the things that move you. Some will call that bragging or being conceited or even cocky. I call it convinced of what I know to be true about me.  When we allow people to stand in the way of us moving, that is our fault. When you love something, you cherish it, you nurture it, you protect it. For some of us, our actions are not showing that we love ourselves. We allow ourselves to be mistreated, to be abused, to be deprived, to be neglected, to be taken advantaged of or taken for granted.

We generally feel love for someone or something after we have spent some time with them.  Take a look at you and tell yourself that you love you.  Send yourself some balloons or flowers that say 'I Love You'.  Write yourself a note about how great you are. Take some time to celebrate you.   It is my belief that we need to spend more time with ourselves so we can learn to love ourselves more. 
  

                                                                                                                                     
What do you think?

 Let me know your thoughts... Keep the conversation going! Leave your comments by clicking on the "comments" link just below this post.  Don't forget to share this with your facebook friends and follow me on twitter  @askjema
Until next time
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

Spring Cleaning

It is that time of year again when you prepare for the upcoming season.  Spring is here. Have you thought about doing any spring cleaning yet? Spring cleaning used to be about cleaning your house from top to bottom; packing your winter clothes and unpacking your summer clothes; cleaning out the yard and planting new flowers and cleaning out the garage.

Today, spring cleaning is also about letting things go and sending people packing right out of your life.

So, are there any people you may need to see go as seasons change from winter to spring? If so, how will you 'spring clean' them away? Will you tell them that their season is over or will you let them figure it out?  Will you pack them away in a box and place them in storage for later or will you place them on the curb to be picked up on 'bulk pick up day'?

Either way, the choice is yours to make. If there are people, things, situations that are weighing you down and hindering you from being your 'best' you, then it is time to release them from their prime location in your world.  Just like we move furniture around so we can see the room from a different angle, we should also consider moving people around to ensure we getting from them what we need. 

Let me know your thoughts... Keep the conversation going! Leave your comments by clicking on the "comments" link just below this post.  Don't forget to share this with your facebook friends and follow me on twitter  @askjema
Until next time
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

Look for the Trees

We are living in some very challenging times.  Some days it is not only hard to see the forest for the trees, but to recognize the trees as well.  Some days just getting out of bed is a struggle.  Although we have much to be thankful and grateful for, there are some days that it just all seems too much to bear.

We read, we study, we fast, we pray, we listen for the still voice.  We read, we study, we fast, we pray, we listen for the still voice.  And it all still seems too much to handle.

When will it end we ask? Am I really cut out for all of this? What does it really mean to hold on until my change comes?  What exactly do I want to change? How have I participated in this madness, in this day to day struggle that I am in? 

I often wonder how did Harriet not lose it when people around her started complaining about the accomodations she had made for them.  Or how Sojourner didn't just go completely off when she was not only looked over, but looked through, around and left out.  How did Betty, Coretta and Myrlie hold it together for an entire race of people?  What made learning to read so important to Mary and Maya?

Those were challenging times, and yet we are still here.  We are still here because there is still work to be done.  We all have a part to play in how this story ends.  We are still in control of our own destiny. I know at times it may appear that someone else in control, but we must again begin to embrace our value. Not just as consumers but our value to ourselves. 

We already know that we are more than conquerors.   Those that have come before us has proven that to be true. 

So as we stand face to face to these challenging times, we must remember that the race is not given to the swift nor to the strong but to the one who endureth to the end.  Believe and hold on to the fact that your latter days will be greater than your past. 

Hold on, I think I see the forest and the trees.

Let me know your thoughts... Keep the conversation going! Leave your comments by clicking on the "comments" link just below this post.  Don't forget to share this with your facebook friends and follow me on twitter  @askjema
Until next time
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

Living Your Best Life

Are you living your best life? Can you describe what 'best' is for you?  We often times find ourselves living our lives for someone else. We take care of the people in our homes as well as outside of our homes. This is your year to put you first.  

As previously noted, I am starting some new and exciting things, just for me. This blog is something just for me. My book will be something just for me. My healthy eating and living is just for me. When I go back to school, it will be just for me.

So take a moment, think about your best life.  Then decide if you are living it.  If not, what will it take to get you started.  If you are, how can you encourage those around you to do the same. 

Take some time to check in with yourself and see what is going on.  Based on your assessment, develop a plan of action to address you.

Let me know your thoughts... Keep the conversation going! Leave your comments by clicking on the "comments" link just below this post.  Don't forget to share this with your facebook friends and follow me on twitter  @askjema
Until next time
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

Guess What I Figured Out

I made a discovery this week about myself. I don't think that I have been in denial, but it was definitely an 'ah ha' moment.  Ok, here it goes. In the words of Usher, here is my confession. 

I realized this week that I am an emotional eater.  Ok, it is out. Not sure how I feel now that I have said it, but I won't take it back. I am not sure how long I have been an emotional eater, but ....

I think this is the first time that I have been still long enough to make this connection.  Before, I was working, running juvenile facilities or until last June, traveling 2-3 weeks a month. So I don't know how long I have had this condition.  I have seen the shows with people talking about being an emotional eater, but I never seemed to have anything in common with them. So, I never made the connection.

It hit me this week when I realized I was eating when I wasn't hungry.  I was having a reflective moment as I was driving down the street.  Feeling great in some areas but feeling inadequate in other areas. So of course the inadequacies told me I needed to eat something to feel good again. It was in that moment that I said it out loud to the angels in the car with me, 'I AM AN EMOTIONAL EATER'.  Then I immediately said, ok now what?

So that is where I am today,

Let me know your thoughts... Keep the conversation going! Leave your comments by clicking on the "comments" link just below this post.  Don't forget to share this with your facebook friends and follow me on twitter  @askjema
Until next time
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

Today is the Day

                                                                                          

Wow, what a year and it is only January. How many resolutions, goals, or whatever your word of choice is did you set at the beginning of the year? How many have you started? How many have you broken? How many have you completed? 

I know, change is difficult but it is possible. I keep thinking that I will do something tomorrow and then tomorrow comes and I can't remember what it was I said that I was going to do, so I end up doing something else.  Then at the end of the day I realize what I was suppose to be doing. So then one day becomes two just like that. Does anyone else know what that feels like?

So what do you do when you know what to do and you know how to do but you are afraid to do?  How does a person with serious anxiety issues convince themselves that what they want is truly attainable?

OK so you hear the usual answers: write it down and make it plain, pray and/or meditate on it, write it down and put it somewhere you can see it everyday, etc...  So now that you have done all of that, now what?  The problem is not in the lack of planning, the problem is in execution.

Today is the day to execute. You have studied for this exam long enough.  You know the answers. Today is the day to execute. This is the day that you trust yourself.  Today is the day to execute.  This is the day to set aside all your fears, doubts and insecurities.  Today is the day to execute.  This is the day that you begin to live the 'dash' in your life.

So do whatever you have to do to get yourself  'fired up and ready to go'.  Let's make it your business to make today the day that you do or at least get started on doing that thing that you have always wanted to do.  This is the day that you plan that fabulous getaway for you and your girlfriends; that you call the school and find out about the admissions process; that you take a serious look at your credit report and see what it is going to take to buy that house; that you call your insurance provider to see how many sessions you and your spouse can have because you know your marriage depends on it; that you sit down and write the first line in your book; that you plan that second honeymoon you have dreamed about for years.

Whatever your dash is, it is up to you to make it happen.  So let's make Today the Day.

Let me know your thoughts... Keep the conversation going! Leave your comments by clicking on the "comments" link just below this post.  Don't forget to share this with your facebook friends and follow me on twitter  @askjema
Until next time
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend