Monday, November 22, 2010

I Want to Know What Love Is.......

There is a saying that says love is a many splendid thing. Have you ever wondered what makes it so splendid? Or what is that thing we call love? We are taught that love is not suppose to hurt. But who among us has not been hurt by that thing called love? Who among us has vowed never to feel that way again about any one; only to find ourselves right back there again?
In the movie For Colored Girls, Kimberly Elise spoke of her character as having an obligation to love her man back to the man he was before he left going to war. How many of us have thought that if we just loved him/her more then...???

Love is beautiful when it is used right. A mother's love to her unborn child. A siblings sacrifice of an organ. A wife's unyielding support to her husband's dreams. A husband's patience with his wife's changing career plans.

Some of us, when we love, we love hard. As R. Kelly says in his new song, when a woman loves, she loves for real.

Some of us think love is attached to another thought or feeling. In this way love is conditional, based on what I need, how I feel or what the other person has done. In my opinion, this type of love is dangerous because it changes frequently based on circumstances and it is confusing to the receiver who may not know how to respond.

Hezekiah Walker says in his song God Favors Me love is patient, love is kind, love is felt best when it is genuine. This is the type of love that I think we all long for. This type of love that is unconditional, it is not attached to anything else. We love inspite of the other person.

The issue is to not allow the love we have for someone to blind us when that love doesn't just hurt, but is abusive. Love can be wonderful and sometimes it does hurt. But in the words of a famous poet I would rather have had love and lost it than not have loved at all.

Let me know your thoughts... Keep the conversation going! Leave your comments by clicking on the "comments" link just below this post. Don't forget to share this with your facebook friends and follow me on twitter @askjema

Until next time
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

Monday, November 15, 2010

Where we Stand

I loved who I was. I love who I am. I will love who I become.

There are so many things to be grateful and thankful for these days. It would be easy to focus on the negative or what I didn't have, but what's the fun in that.

There are people who would love to be where you are. They would love to come home from work to a warm meal waiting for them. They would love to have a home to come home to. They would love to have a job to come home from. They would love to be able to go to the store and buy not only what they need but items on their want list as well.

Some of us are blessed beyond measure. Some of us have more than we could ever use and yet for some of us it is not enough. Some of us could feed a family of four with some of the food that we throw away on a weekly basis.

We must become better stewards over our blessings. Our blessings are not just things, but the people in our lives as well. We have to treat each other better. We have to respect each other's feelings. We have to listen more and talk less. We have to stop thinking that people should just get over it. Because some of those 'its' come from some pretty dark places.

We have to know that together we are stronger and that we are only as strong as the weakest link. This I truly believe.

Until next time,
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Did you hear that?

Life is full of blessings and tragedies and we are responsible for how we respond in both cases.  We have to do a better job of accepting our part when we participate in madness and dysfunction.  We have to remember that when 'we know better, we do and are better'.  I cannot blame the other person in the relationship for hurting my feelings, when I know that is exactly what the other person is going to do.  We have to do a better job of getting and staying in touch with that 'thing' that tells us something is not right.  Trust me I know there are some people who make it their mission to make someone else's life miserable or to bring them hurt, harm and danger.  I know that at the end of the day, 'we all want to be loved'.  And sometimes that need to be loved causes us to do some things, accept some behaviors and ignore some signs that over time could be detrimental to our very existence.  We may not die in the flesh, but our spirit and souls leaves us wondering why.

Accepting the fact that we are responsible for teaching people how to treat us, we must take the time to teach ourselves how we want to be treated.  It is never too late to break generational curses and to start living your own history.  All things happen for reason; God does not make mistakes.

If you find yourself in a situation that is not allowing you to not only live your best life but to find or define your best life, then it is time to make some decisions.  You may find yourself feeling alone or isolated. You may find that you don"t have the strength to go it alone.  You may find that someone just came from where you are.  Whatever you find, remember the decision is yours to make.  Which also means the responsibility is yours to take and the consequences are yours to accept.

Until next time,
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Seasons and Friends

How do you know when it is time to move on from a relationship?  Is it when the calls become more infrequent? Or is it when you do reach out to connect and it just doesn't feel right?  I know we all grow up and life takes us down different paths, but I thought friends were suppose to be there for each other.  It makes me wonder if we were ever really friends at all. 

I know that life is funny and that people like what they like and do what they do, but if you have neglected a friendship and that person doesn't know why, is it too much to reach out to that person.  My concern is that something will happen and time will be wasted on feeling guilty because the two never communicated.

There are people in my life that I may not talk to every day or every week, or even every month, but at some point a connection is made and it feels like it was just yesterday that we talked.  I want that feeling with all of my friends.  If I am not getting it, is it time to realize that this is not the same type of friendship it was 20 years ago?  Is it time to lower my expectations so I can minimize my pain and discomfort?

I know scripture says to every thing there is a season and a time for every purpose. I guess I never realized that the season is not attached to an issue or a situation or a problem.  It is just a season.

Until next time
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend

Monday, November 1, 2010

Being Ok

A lot has happened since our last chat.  I decided that I was in shifting gear.  I had to figure out if I was going forward or backward, but I had to make a decision.  Life is like that, especially for women.  We have to make decisions not just for ourselves, but for our husbands, children, siblings and the like.  Often times, we find ourselves not wanting to offend either one, so we find ourselves in neutral.  However, I have come to realize that if you take the time to think about what is in the best interest for yourself, it will probably be in the best interest for your family. 

Scripture tells us to lean not to our own understanding, but to seek wise counsel.  For me sometimes, I think my own counsel is wiser than some one else.  So for us everyday, we find ourselves in decision mode. To do, or not to do; to be or not to be; to give or not to give....

I am growing into being ok with the space I am in right now.  I believe that everything happens for a reason. I also believe that with every trial there is a lesson to be learned but most importantly, that lesson is to be shared.

So, we are 60 days away until the end of 2010, where did it all go? Are you on track, off track or on a different track?  Either way, embrace where you are and decide your next move.

Until next time,
Be Blessed, Sisterfriend